I’m drowning in my own thoughts

This needs to be stOpped

okayy so do y’all have those instances where a joke turns into a nasty lecture from your darling parents?

IT JUST HAPPENED

AND I’M SO GODDAMN PISSED

So yesterday we met an old family friend and their youngest son is 12 years old. I hate to say “P6” because he’s not. they’ve been posted to Denmark 4.5 years ago and they come back every summer. He reminisces his school days where he was so happy, so joyful in an international school. At this point of the year, when the bell goes for lunch, the young kids run to the old fence, climb it, and slide down the snow frosted slopes and end up all icy and cold, but all warmed up in their hearts and faces; just 30 minutes of pure ecstasy and laughter. During breaks he’d pull out his mum’s homemade spring rolls and instantly people would surround him all wanting to try a real spring roll- one stuffed with more vegetables than MSG content. He loved the atmosphere, the wide array of friends he made. And I loved listening to every bit of it.

And today, during dinner, I joked with my dad: “Daddy If your company ever offers an overseas posting, snap it up especially if its to Europe!”

That marked the start of a terrible dinner.

But wait a minute! Before this, I argued with my mum about tuition. Since the start of december, I’ve been having tuition EVERY BLOODY SINGLE DAY. I’VE NEVER SEEN THIS MUCH MONEY BEING GIVEN AWAY TO SOMEONE WHO HONESTLY DOESNT REALLY HELP THAT MUCH. And what I asked my mum was just a slight rendition of Oliver Twist’s “please sir, may I have some more? ”

“Please mummy, can I forgo tuition((for just one bloody lesson))”

And shit can she shout and yell so much

FOR GOD’S SAKE. SAVE YOUR MONEY WOMAN. you’re feeding me too much honey and I loathe it in its own deliciousness. ((R and J reference anyone?))

It’s not that the tuition teacher doesnt help me. She’s pretty alright. But it’s not alright to be attending tuition, worried that I’ll be late for the next tuition.

And hell can that take a toll.

ITS NOT EVEN FORGOING A DAY OF TUITION. ITS JUST ONE.

I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR FINANCIAL BURDEN SO WHY DONT YOU LET ME HELP YOU EASE IT?

“You haven’t caught up with you work”

Okayy maybe I can if I had more time to myself instead of spending it at tuition? Whaddya think Mother?

((Back to the story))

They get so worked up. Dismissing the idea that the government in ______ thinks lowly of their own education. And…. I care because?

I then tell them of a friend who went to England to study and hell she’s having a GREAT TIME THERE. She’s topping classes, doing subjects you can never get in Singapore ((religious studies//isnt that so cool)) and best of all, she’s so happy. Unburdened by all this stress. I’m so happy for her but so envious that she doesnt needa go through all this bullshit worrying a year ahead of us.

And often we always hear: “maybe after exams?” “After O’s!” “Can’t… There’s O’s next year”

For God’s sake we aren’t even 16 yet. SIXTEEN AND WE’RE STRESSING UP ABOUT A MAJOR EXAM ((whoopdedoop)) and maybe hindering living our lives to the fullest for fear it’ll be in the way of a MAJOR exam. And what if something tragic happens in our “crucial year?” We’re all prone to living a life full of regret that year.

Maybe I dont want to be living a year full of regret.

And what’s the worst about it is that apparently it wont be the “end of the world” yet they make us prepared to face the end of the world.

I’ll be much more elated if I learnt how to fight zombies or learn how to survive a major tsunami.

Or learn how to swim.

Either ways, we are trapped in the system where we need to have the worst to have the best. Bellcurve. Heyy, you could prob score an 80 for maths, up 30marks from your pass, but nO. The education system allows nothing like that!!! 30% of the cohort got near full marks! You’re dragged down to a C5. Boohoo you.

Now we switch to England where they’d prob give you the raw grade and be like “heyy! 30marks improvement? Let’s get you some camomile tea to celebrate!!”

Well, I imagine that’ll be the way they celebrate it.

And in Singapore, we drown in our own “failures”. What’s even worst, we dont even know if they are failures. For all you know it might be something to be proud of. An 8 mark improvement? That’s great! We’ll never know! And we’ll never suspect anything because everyone else is on top and oh honey, you just cant make it.

Do you know why my class is doing that badly? We are COMPARED. We never get to mark our own boundaries, our own strifes. Maybe we’re a little tougher to work on. And it sucks knowing that we are the bottom. And it sucks to actually drag yourself up from the bottom, but high tide washes in and you find yourself far from where you started, but still at the bottom of the sea. That sucks.

I’m overwhelmed right now. I hate the system so much.

I hate the way my parents think. Calling ______’s education system lagged and not up to date. What if its enjoyable? What if your children will be happy? What if it lets them live life to the fullest? I wonder.

To that family friend: matthew, I know you’re a 12 year old, and I was so impressed that you were in year 8 ((sec 2 equivalent)) and I never asked you why you were put there years before your peers. I do sincerely hope and I pray every night that you can get into a school even without a PSLE score. You’re a joy to talk to, and you elude a free, convivial spirit. I hope you grow to be a well nurtured boy and please feel blessed that you’re not deprived of a childhood in Singapore. Cherish your denmark days and be blessed you didnt spend your years here.

I also hope you find an alternative slope to slide down.

And damn you are blessed to have touched snow.

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