Dear future self

You know, you’re a different type of girl. Not in the complimenting way like special and everything. You’re just different- for all the wrong//right reasons.

You have many many lows in your life. And somehow you get through them by numbing them. Why do you do that? Instead of facing up to them?

You dream of the weirdest things. Things you know you can’t achieve, things too extravagant to be excited abt, things too unfortunate to tragically happen. Why are you so ambitious, so imaginitive, so paranoid?

You know your life’s in a mess. Nothing’s honestly going right for you. The avenues you put in 110% for, just crumble. Ha studies? That’s even worse. You can’t get yourself together, does it not haunt you that it all snowballs down?

You hope for the best. There are the negative issues in life, yet you smile brightly and always think of ways to just full on refute it. How’d you do that?

You want to stick out from the crowd. No more do you want to be classified with the rest. You want to be…. Known as Janine. Why? Is it not much more comfy to be riding in with the stereotype? You want to put your name out there to do things with a leap in your step. Is it really worth the risk?

You want to… Do the forbidden. You know it wont work out well next year, but why are you so eager to try? Why do you want to rush into it? When you could be more solid about it, and probably establish one when you honestly feel ready?

You try your hardest. Yet, the things you love the most just aren’t working out. When’s the time to draw the line to say I’ve had enough?

You blur the lines of fault and mercy. It’s not all that good Janine. It’s not all that good.

Often You find yourself just sitting on a bed typing out notes to yourself, electronic diary or anything. Is it really the best way to spend your time?

Janine, is your life together? I wanna know. Are you ready for what’s in store next? Are you ready to let go of whatever’s holding you back and actually do something?

Have you found God in your life? Have you been sleeping better? Have you exercised? Have you stopped eating unhealthily? Have you had any life-changing things in 1month?

Have you?

I wanna know.




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