The birthday curse🎂

Well so.. Again this is nothing related to Peter Pan.
But I remember mentioning in a post that I’ll write about my birthday.

**before that, does anyone realise that I don’t write normal blogposts? I mean they aren’t fantastic. But I link them up with Peter Pan and go so deep and then suddenly resurface again to let you guys breathe. Idk I dont write about my day in blogs so hahahah this is gonna be interesting**

Okayy so..
January 6
Yea I’m an early Jan baby.
Which, at this point of time, is 18 days away.
I’m gonna be 15?
It has it’s perks and its hindrance.
Is hindrance even the way to describe it? To me it just.. Puts me off yknow? For some absurd reason.

    It’s like my birth date prevents me from actually enjoying and celebrating a passing of one legit year.

Okay at this point of time, I assure you it’s not me overthinking. Ever since young I’ve lived with this hatred of my bday date.

So I’ll give you an account of my past birthdays.
Maybe you’ll see why I LOATHE it so much.

Imagine you walking into a room when you’re a 7 year old. It’s the third day of your new school, and you barely remember your teacher’s name. You carry a bag full of 30 small goodie bags for a class you have trouble remembering. And those 30 bags? You begged your mother to get sweets and oreos and packed them in pretty wrappers because “it was cool” and probably… Everyone will like you.

Hhaha Janine how naive are you? While you’re giving it out, 3 people ask you why you’re giving out these goodie bags. “It’s my birthday today. ” “thank you, girl with fringe” another 5 girls come up to you, asking you if they can change their blue sharpener for a pink one. “If I give it to you, other people can’t have pink” “why are you so bossy? It’s not like you’re a boss or something. ”
“Stop being so bossy” 😕

What I learnt from this:
Some people just forget that

    maybe for one day, you get a chance to shine.

Like people put you first instead of like always constantly being put down.

Also, 7 year olds give no shit about whether it’s your birthday or not.
And that they prefer pink sharpeners to blue. 💁

Imagine you walking into a classroom when you’re 13. The day before, you played a game with your new classmates where you have to arrange yourself from oldest to youngest without talking. Oddly, you know your place. Right in front. When you plop yourself infront, the “first” girl whispers quietly “hey, I don’t think you’re supposed to be here” “hahahah well the funny thing about that is I think I’m the oldest” “2nd January”
You stare at this nice girl. You stare at her with disbelief.
Wow.
This is.

    New. 😶

You gave her a weak yet somehow pleasant smile. Wow you think. Then I must be behind her?
Nope. Another girl is somehow older than you. Wowwowwow. You’re somehow happy, yet kinda empathize with the people infront because you know their silent pains.

Like really, you do.
Not even Mid Jan babies will understand. But for early Jan, we’re like a community of silent sufferers((over exaggerated here haha)) ☺️

Well so anyways, NO ONE ((except your best friend from pri sch)) remembers. And you kinda feel like shit, yknow? Something about it makes you feel.. Just downright sad?

And as you read this, I know you’re gonna say it’s “overthinking” or “not true”
And you know there’s this magical power with birthday songs. 🎵Even the most awkward people will feel good after a birthday song sung specially for them. I was talking to a friend who ran out of the classroom while we sung it for him and he said it “was the most embarrassing thing ever” “but. It felt

    nice that people actually remembered” 🌾

Hahahahah well, I’ve never experienced that. The only time I had it was when a whole class sang happy birthday for all the january babies. Hahahah what a loser Janine.

Another thing about my birthday is that It’s the 12th day of christmas. 🎄Yeap. Technically I’m born during the christmas period. The christmas spirit lives in everyone even after twelve days. So in a way… No one will care about you having a birthday. They’re still “busy” celebrating Jesus’ bday.
Plus, they’ll just assume my christmas present is my bday present. I get a present less compared to everyone else.

Also, my bday is situated in the middle of christmas and chinese new year. So by the end of chinese new year, I’ll be really really rich. But that’s a bad thing! Unlike people born in June, it’s like a “money top up” day for them.
If I dont control my spendings ((hahahah jokes on me)) I’ll be poor by july.

I just don’t fit in with the January crowd either.
Like…. A capricorn is supposed to be wise and bright and reserved and have trust issues? (According to twitter) well if you checked, that’s a normal capricorn. ♑️
Or like I’m a tiger in the chinese zodiac which makes me fierce and dominant.🐯 I’ll give you permission to laugh now.
Well so my class is filled with top scorers, which out of 10, 4 are jan babies. See what I’m saying? I’m not bright. I dont have a personality fit like the rest who fit perfectly.

It’s like

    I don’t belong

. I don’t belong to a group who I undestand and know the most.

It also gives a lean way for people to criticise me. “you? A capricorn? You’re too stupid” “you look so immature to be one” “are you sure you’re not born on april 1st cuz you’re so funny, thinking that your bday is in Jan” “you’re older than me?! You look like a pri sch kid!”

The things that happen on my bday bug me too. Maybe because it’s my personality, but I realised that I want people to recognise that it’s my bday. With that said, I try to make birthdays for other friends special because I know they’ll love it and remember. Maybe like write a whole book or smear cake on each other.

But nothing really happens on my birthday.
Like just today, we were planning to get my closest friend a jansports for her birthday already! That’s already making it memorable. Esp if it’s from friends.

I just…. Don’t know why.
It’s so weird yknow? Doubting yourself and seeing why you actually started doubting.

Lastly,
I think it’s just me.
I think it’s just that I care about myself too much.
Like I’ll shamelessly admit here.

    I want to be noticed.

Like I dont want to be just another person. It’s like an aim to make an impact on your life. And acknowledging my birthday would mean the world to me. It like shows that I’m actually alive in your life.

You know I just want to feel special for that day. But that day has awful timing skills. Hahahha and the cycle repeats every year and I slip into a mini depression mode when it’s near my bday.

Sigh. It’s a hindrance only to myself.

One day I know I’ll snap out of this “me myself and I” world and you know suck it up. Because a birthday is just another day for an average joe.

Until then, I’ll be gloomy in 18 days. Just a heads up yea?

Cheerio:*
Janinee💋

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