Trust is a kind of pixie dust✨

Okayy maybe this isnt a very peter pan themed entry…

But you know i’d like to talk about trust.
Trust.
Tee are you ass tee
Full stop

Hahahhahah well trust is a funny thing
Everyone starts off with an equal amount of trust which is, simply put, half a jar of pixie dust.

Sometimes we start adding more and more to the jar of pixie dust.
Sometimes, getting too close is bad and… Blows the pixie dust away…

We constantly put ourselves in situations where we are all in it to win in, or just…
Crack the jar of pixie dust.

Well I’d like to think i’m special. In my case, everyone starts off with a 99.99% full jar of trust pixie dust. ❅❅ be it a boy, be it a girl. Be it a parent, be it a baby. it’s weird I know. I’ll admit… I have… Trust issues. Just not what you think. Its like an extreme end to a really paranoid person who doesn’t let anyone in.

It’s weird cuz I know I’m always putting myself in a situation where its so easy and me being a vulnerable kid, I can just accidentally slip up at let loose the jar of pixie dust.
And crack it.

Or you know even worse. When you think that all the pixie dust is inside, it turns out that a strong wind blew it all away and you just never realised it till it starts hurting.

That’s the thing with trust.

You get hurt easily.

Why cant it be simple? Like you know… Just gaining?
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Okayyy now here’s my part of the story… About trust.

I liked this boy in sec one. Not very surprising there cuz my hormones work too hard for me. He liked my friend, a dear friend, and it was evident. He’d boastfully flirt in the whatsapp group, and call her babe and all.
Being a stupid child, I still never gave up on him, just hung there loosely by a thread with the jar in my hand.

Then, he started… Noticing me. He started talking to me? Yea. And that was the first time I felt… Noticed:) It felt nice for a change… To be noticed.. Well, he lead me on. And I myself knew that he probably is just playing with me. I trusted him… I put in pixie dust in that jar till it was full. And then I poured it all out to start again and again. Yea, as you can kinda guess… It didn’t end well. He told my dear friend that he was just playing with me… He wanted to see a girl cry.

All along while i’ve been pouring out the pixie dust to have a fresh new batch of trust, the wind blew it away. It turned mucky, and it was just empty air. I blindly put in all my trust… A trust that ultimately wasn’t mutual or worthy of a recognition.

And at that moment I realised what just happened…the jar slipped out of my hands… Fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. In the process it left me plastered with wounds and all my self inflicted pain and suffering was just so… Distinct from those big wounds.

Gaping, big wounds that slowly and surely turned into ugly scars.

Time came in like tinkerbell- and she healed my wounds. Now they’re just scars.

Thing about scars is that… They dont seem to be there. But when you touch it, consciously or unconciously, its just this burning sensation and a wave of memory comes back?

Like I said, time came in like tinkerbell. I repaired the shattered glass with the boy. Forgiveness always is the strongest kind of wings. But it never ever got fully recovered yea? The jar’s just 50% full cuz there’s a crack and a missing piece.

When you make someone lose their trust in you, it never fully restores.

I constantly put myself in situations like this, yet I never learn my lesson.

Extreme case of trust issues? No, its an extreme case of too much trust pixie dust.

One day, maybe when peter pan returns, you can see him come back with tinkerbell- the real tinkerbell- and maybe the magic in the pixie dust will empower you to do great things.

And maybe trusting someone isnt so bad after all.

Because, we never really know how much pixie dust the other person puts into our jar do we?

Tee are you ass tee.

It leaves scars and open wounds, but without trust there wont be late night secret talks.

Tee are you ass tee.

Its just a jar of pixie dust, is it not?

Cheerio:*
Janinee💋

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