But all was okayy at 1.31

It was the calm after the storm

The reminants of the usual fight, long dated messages of “I don’t want to fight anymore” 

Was your I love you’s to pacify me, did they lose meaning in the magnanimous situation? 

It’s the long paragraphs of hatred scorn and hurt. Of final despair and pain in the words 

They build up and hurl down, ultimately grinding to a 

“This is not what we wanted” 

But it was all we could offer each other. 

That was the storm

And at 1.31

I’m presently in the calm after the storm. With water stained pavements and tear stained blankets, these were the small things that mattered. 

The calm after the storm is the most pacifist of mind, 

Yet,

I hear the rolling thunder

I feel another storm coming

And I forsee many more to come

Its 1.31 

This was the calm after the storm

And the calm before many more to come

If you loved me 

If you love me 

Dont let go 

If you love me 

Dont let the world hold 

If you love me 

Stay till its morning 

Where I can smell the sunlight 

As it streaks down on the floor we used to dance 

If you loved me 

You would have remembered that 

When you loved me 

Time past so nimbly 

And our young days grew weary

Why you loved me 

I dont really know

But

I know he loves me

He wont let me go

R 01✨

R01 
Dear past self

It’s been more than a year since my first letter to me  

You were a different girl 

For all the wrong reasons and the right 

While everyone was begging for pink, you chose purple

A solid black was harsh for you, but grey met your middle 

You’re different for all the wrong reasons 

But these differences made it right, a place where you belong
It’s been a long while 

Since you’ve learned that numbing anything would make the pain even worse 

And you just had to live with the pain

Did you? 

No you didnt

You shared 

Your problems and your pain 

People listened and even if they didnt change 

You did

Things have been great after that

I’ve found someone who amazes me everyday 

And makes me fall completely in love and delirious ecstasy every time I look in his direction 

But actually he was there all along

 

Your dreams are of places ethereal to the world 

Simple dreams fall and elude your shoulders

It’s not too much to ask 

And ambition is healthy 

You have to trust your wayward self to guide you down the right path 

Or if it’s wrong 

One day, you’ll make it right
Fault and mercy, I’m still dealing with the repercussions of blurred lines. 

Never give up on the battle of discovering and finding where YOU stand, not where others stand 
And even when the whole world is against you

Be Janine 

Remember where “going with the others” led you the last time? 

Desertment and a lost love 

Now he’s back and I’m safe in his arms 

His scent and warmth 

Is home

And its a place no one can define besides yourself
Trust yourself more 

Love yourself more 

Smile at yourself, your reflection more 

Because even though you’re still searching for a term to describe “Janine” 

Enjoy the journey

It’ll be a long journey more

But until then, 

I’ll be right where you are 

We’re of the same being, same heart and soul, 

The same from head to toe 

   
 

⚡️

[Part two] I imagine you as sand 

I imagine that as sand I’ll pick you up and bask in your warmth, because that’s how it felt like in your arms

And I imagined, just like sand, you’ll slip away

Through the very same hands that you once held so tight 

Away from my grip and out of love 

And what I’m left with behind 

Is empty hands with nothing to hold 

And all the love we ever had, dust swept away

[part three]

For you were much greater than sand 

Although what we had was a different story 

When the night cast shadows on the ground 

So did the tears fall on my pillow 

You slipped away just like that 

Although what we had was much greater than that 

It was now decay 

And it stayed festering in both of us

Some things

I told you once, get out of my life

I dont need you 

I’ll be alright 

But some things are better left unsaid 

To tell the true 

It hit me hard 

A broken heart is all I have now 

But some things are better left unsaid

And I swore that I would never say I missed you more everyday but some things are better left unsaid

  

🌊

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Sound is a pressure wave 🌊
Not just physics-wise

It’s the sound
That brings the stress
Its the words
That tear one to bits and pieces
Its the insults
That sends the wave of tears
Its the silence
That drives the anxiety
And paranoia right into the soul

But
Its the sound
Of giggles
That bring joy
Its the music
That puts a leap in the step
Its the voice
That is a comforting ring to the mind
Its the whispers
Of words that are sometimes better left unsaid
And
Its the silence
That lets you be at peace with your thoughts and negativity
And that waves of hope for a better day sweep in
That the pressure gets lighter
And one day
Sound will be a nudge of encouragement
Not just a pressure wave

Sun🌞

A shadow in the cloud
Illogical idea and paradox
Can the sun be so tardy, casting a shadow on the very thing that illuminates the sky?

I guess it’s just an analogy
Of how we perceive ourselves to be
A master of hidden doubts and secrets
That is blatantly obvious to the others
Yet to you
The object that casts a dark shadow isn’t identifiable
And the more the sun starts to shine
The more intense the dark plight that we’re all subjected to

So you’re my sun
And the more you try to make it shine
You bring out the worst in me, the fears harboured inside
But all you could do is shine
And all I can give you is a sorrowful cry of musty rain

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04🔥

What’s happening to me
All that I could ever be
Every evening after light
Eyes too tired to bid goodnight

What’s happening to me
As in the evening sun streams
I think of thee as moonbeams
And fall asleep right where its warm
Thinking of you and I’m calm

What’s happening to her
She’s rolling over
And daily she crashes
Leaving a trail and pile of ashes

What happening to life
The lemons they throw- all with force
Carelessly aimed and tossed
Where the heart lies naked and bare
Walked away with not an ounce of care

What’s happening to us
What are we even, at this point?
A round-about carousel
Where the horses go up and down
Over and over again
Repetitive comfort
Repetitive turmoil
Magic in the sun
Slowly leaving and done

Weekdays and weekdays
Over and over again
The same situation
Ultimate persuasion
When will we ever do something about this?

We’re leaving
A pile of ashes in the sun
Dont leave, dont ever run
Till we fix this with our bare hands
For if we burn and crash

We go together,
Two piles of ash

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